Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Forces of The Universe

There is a moment in your life when all the possibilities are sitting in front of you, and you find that whatever vehicle your traveling in is stuck in neutral, this is the story of that time in my life.

From the time I graduated high school till the time i graduated college (on the ten-year plan, we’ll get back to that later), I was in committed relationship after committed relationship with barely any time to breathe in between, let alone be a happy single man. Till my 28th Birthday I never realized how good life could be as a single young man, or how incalculably terrible.

It was my 28th Birthday, I showed up late to my own party at my local hot club, carrying two trays of my own cupcakes. After being in the bar for approximately 48 seconds I’d had the bouncer buy me a shot, got kissed by a stranger and had a beautiful girl on my arm and was headed towards the large gathering of my friends

Of course I glossed over two key facts, One that the stranger who kissed me was a gay man named Larry who was also celebrating his birthday and felt like sharing some of his excitement with me as well. And Two- that the beautiful woman on my arm was, in fact, very much taken. And this very fact about her had often proved very problematic for me in past instances like this:

One Drink

“We should hang out more” She’d whisper

“ Totally! I know this great local diner, I’ve wanted to take you there since we met!” I’d reply, my hand firmly on the bar, trying to push myself up so I’d have just that slight bit of height advantage I felt like I needed to feel more attractive

Two Drinks

“I’ve been attracted too you for years...” She’d whisper
“I Totally feel the same about you! I’ve wanted to tell you since I first saw you!" I’d reply, my hand firmly on her on her waist, trying to position myself so the light hit my eyes at the right angle so I could feel more attractive

Three Drinks

“I want to take you home” She’d whisper
“Totally! I’ve wanted you since the second we met!” I’d reply, my hand placed softly around her neck, trying to pull her in for a kiss but knowing that as attractive as we found each other the forces of the Universe around us would not let us get together.

The Forces of The Universe

“Kevin, come on man, you know better!” Jim said, stopping my hand from sliding any further down her back, or higher up her legs, or...

“Stop it already! You two are like cat’s in heat together when you’ve had more than two drinks” Nicole said

“Three Drinks” We said in unison, leaning in for a kiss but once again having our friends, the Forces of the Universe, stop us. They we’re my two best friends, but sometimes their best efforts to correct my life would drive me to fits of mild rage.

“Did it ever occur to you two for a second that maybe Kaitlyn doesn't want to be in this relationship, and maybe I’m the one she is supposed to be with?” I said

“No.” Jim, Nicole and to my surprise Kaitlyn all said in unison

“What?” I replied, as shocked as i was confused

“Kevin, I love you...”

“Yes, proof right there! You said it! You hear that Universe?” I glared at Jim and Nicole, their beady universe eyes as unflinching as the blackness of the Cosmo's they controlled

“But...” Kaitlyn continued

“See!” The Universe echoed, as always in unison

“Don’t get cocky yet, she hasn’t finished!” I retorted

“But...I love Mark too, and I am... Usually happy with him. I don’t want to screw that up”

“Then why is your hand on my thigh?” I said

“Damn it Nicole you we’re supposed to be on Kaitlyn duty!” Jim whirled on his Universal counterpart

“How am i supposed to control those arms? They woman moves like a banshee!” Nicole, who had very little knowledge of Irish mythology, snapped back at Jim.

While Jim and Nicole started to collapse the celestial body of their relationship into a black hole of insults, i looked down and saw Kaitlyn’s hand had not moved from its precarious position on my thigh. I gazed into her eyes and saw only one thing, the Universe...collapsing, or was it expanding?

Metaphysists believe that the big bang may have happened many times, only to be followed Billions of years later by the Big Crunch. Eventually the mutual attraction of all matter eventually causes the Universe to contract, causing it to collapse into itself and possibly creating another Big Bang. Or, leading to the end of all things, and as this moment passed before me I saw only two probable outcomes...

To Be Continued in "The Big Crunch"

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