Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Interrogation Techniques: The Hillary Clinton File

I Wrote this during the 2008 Presidential Campaign for a satire edition of my college paper, it was right after the former first lady said some statements about her trip to Bosnia that video footage later disproved. You Can see that footage here:

Startling new evidence has surfaced this week regarding the foreign policy documents Senator Clinton has been withholding. For weeks now the Clinton campaign has been keeping under wraps documents about her daily activities as First Lady, her day to day tasks. Many suspected that Hillary was playing up her role in foreign policy turns out, but as it would turn out she was down-playing them. These documents that Hillary Clinton received vigorous training in the art of water-boarding, and that she would go on to use this technique on a Serbian Rebel in her visit to bring peace to the region

Hillary Clinton, already trained in many forms of armed and hand to hand combat, was not prepared for the chaos that would ensue upon her arrival in Bosnia. Video evidence reveals that as soon as Clinton stepped off her plane, her armed escorts we’re instantly killed by Sniper fire from Serbian Rebels who had infiltrated the tarmac. The video shows Hillary recovering a gun from one of her slain comrades and using the gun to clear a path for her and Chelsea, and fellow Bosnian liberators Sinbad and Sheryl Crowe. When they reached the interior of Tuzla Air Base the Sinbad, Chelsea and Crowe were taken hostage by Serbian Rebels while Hillary was able to escape using her Martial Arts skills. Clinton found her way to the center of the compound and was able to take the leader of the rebel’s hostage.

Grainy video footage shows Clinton subjecting the Serbian to water boarding, demanding to know where her daughter was being held. After being forced into freezing cold water seventeen times the Serbian finally gave up the location of the First Daughter. Hillary Clinton instantly sprung into action and raced towards the location, when she burst into the room her daughter was being held by a 10-year old girl with a teddy bear time bomb. Clinton used her verbal skills to coach the young girl to give her the teddy bear before it went off, and with the quickness of action and thought she demonstrated with her Iraq war Vote Clinton was able to avoid disaster. When asked why she kept these evens a secret for so long Clinton merely replied “I didn’t want my daughter to be forced to relive that horrific day”. Many believe that Sinbad and Crow never escaped the clutches of the Serbian rebels, as little as been heard from them since

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